I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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