ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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