I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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