Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
