Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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