Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
