I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
