You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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