Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
