We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
