She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
