I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
how drunk are you?
Several
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
