My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
