I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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