Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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