Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Screwed.edu
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
