it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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