How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
