she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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