just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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