Me. At least after what I've been through.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
