can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
