I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
