i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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