I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Randomize
