Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
