After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize