first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
