Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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