found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
