You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You took a bar mat shot.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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