We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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