Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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