that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who died my cat blue again?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
