your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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