She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
