Banned from zoo.
Again?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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