Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
