You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
