please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
