i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
