mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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