I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
