Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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