my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
