You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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