Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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