I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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