You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
