he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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