She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
