Dual....:-)
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
