remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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