i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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