Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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