what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just forgot I was standing up.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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