I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm always down for nudity.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
