I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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