Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
