how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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