Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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