Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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