I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
