Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
cat food counts as protein by the way
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
